Look, we might not having flying cars, or a restaurant on the moon, or a functioning democracy, but in recent years it’s become more and more obvious that we are very much sliding into what one could reasonably describe as ‘the future’.

It's just not the same as an adult. It can’t be the same, it won’t ever be the same, and it’s fine that it’s not the same.

For the poppy, it has been a decade of fanatical lunacy. What once was a classy and sombre symbol of thoughtful remembrance, has now become a disgusting competition of virtue signalling, wherein the act of celebrating the symbol is far more important than the meaning behind it.

Lamppost in the background of your graduation photo looks a bit shit? We can cut that out. Blurry stranger ran past just as you took the perfect post night-out selfie? Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Stepson is just kind of ugly and ruined all of your wedding pics purely by virtue of being in them? We’ll make sure you never have to look at that disgusting little cretin’s face ever again.

“What if there’s an ambulance and it’s a matter of life or death?”

This is absolutely a fair question, and one that I wish there was a better answer for, because the honest answer is: so what?